Barry Rose
11/26/11
Annotating a Scholarly Article
“Framing the mother: Childhood Obesity, Maternal Responsibility and Care” JaneMaree Maher, Suzanne Fraser and Jan Wright
Centre for Women’s Studies Gender Research, School of Political and Social Inquiry, Monash University, VIC 3800, Australia; University of Wollongong, Australia (Received 10 February 2009; final version received 3 November 2009)
Journal of Gender Studies Vol. 19, No. 3, September 2010, 233–247
In this essay, Maher, Fraser, and Wright explain how there is too much blame placed on mothers, and not enough placed on fathers for the cause of childhood obesity. They believe fathers should take more action in their children’s diet and exercise. Also stated as a large cause for childhood obesity is the lack of family home cooked meals. Another cause occurs before a child is even born. Maher, Fraser, and Wright believe that the mother’s diet and exercise are crucial in preventing childhood obesity and other health problems like diabetes.
Maher, Fraser, and Write make many good points of the many causes of childhood obesity. They explain the reasoning for the growth of this problem, and give solutions on how to fix it. The authors work for credible University’s such as the School of Political and Social Inquiry, Monash University, and the University of Wollongong. I believe the article is intended for more than just parents, instead all of America. This is a nation wide problem, and is going to take everyone to fix it.
Peer Review Reading Journal
ReplyDeleteDuring our writing workshops, you’ll be working with a “critical partner,” someone who will read your work seriously and offer constructive comments. Please offer your response to your partner’s draft, using this template as a guide (you may add responses not prompted here as well). On the last day of the workshop, I’d like you to bring one hard copy to class and post another copy on your partner’s blog. As with the Textbook Reading Journal, I’ll be grading your work according to the following criteria:
• Appropriateness to the question
• Relevance and precision of detail from the reading
• Fullness of your response
• Depth of insights
Thanks for agreeing to help a classmate and for being a respectful reader.
Reviewer’s Name: Ashley Taylor
Date: 11/23/11
Partner’s Name and Title of Paper Reviewed: Barry Rose
In your own words, fully and with precision, describe what the assignment is asking the writer (your partner) to do? Please use your own words rather than merely quote from the assignment.
This assignment is asking my partner Barry to briefly summarize A Scholarly Article. The assignment wants Barry to read a full article and in his summary describe the key points and main thesis of the article in hos own words.
To what extent has your partner met the expectations of the assignment? Please pick a passage as illustration and describe what works well there. Again, try to use your own words.
I feel my partner Barry did a well Job meeting all the requirements of this assignment. I feel he had a clear statement of what the aerticle was trying to tell us. “Childhood obesity” he did a good job staying with argument that it is not all the mothers responsibility but the fathers and other caretakers as well.
What area needs more work? Why? Please pick a passage as illustration and describe what isn’t working.
I feel what needs work is a little more on how to fix this problem he states “…and give solutions on how to fix it” maybe add an example would give some credibility.
Please indicate TWO questions about the draft and at least ONE suggestion for ways to improve it.
1. What about other care givers? Is it just the Mother and Fathers responsibilities?
2. What are some ways to fix this problem?
Hi Barry:
ReplyDeleteThe subject of your article is accessible and interesting.
Your summary is fairly clear and useful, although probably could use some beefing up, especially where I indicate, below.
Your evaluation is also useful, if perhaps needing a bit more focus and transition (jumping from explaining reasoning to the authors' credibility).
You've got the right idea: just show a bit more patience.
Promising.
no post write?
You might need to elaborate: Another cause occurs before a child is even born
typo? and Write
why cap? and you need a proper plural form: University’s
nation-wide: nation wide
not quite MLA style: “Framing the mother: Childhood Obesity, Maternal Responsibility and Care” JaneMaree Maher, Suzanne Fraser and Jan Wright
Centre for Women’s Studies Gender Research, School of Political and Social Inquiry, Monash University, VIC 3800, Australia; University of Wollongong, Australia (Received 10 February 2009; final version received 3 November 2009)
Journal of Gender Studies Vol. 19, No. 3, September 2010, 233–247
I was not sure about the MLA style. I believed it was incorrect not having the authors names first, but that is how they had it on the article, so I left it that way. I forgot about the post write. I would have asked if I had enough information about the articles. I also see the confusion in my transition. I was not sure how to translate from one point to the other given that is was such a short paper.
ReplyDelete