Profile Second Draft

Barry Rose

Profile Essay : Second Draft

            “Actions speak louder than words.” Just one of the many sayings my father always said. He had a few he liked, but I believe this was his favorite. He is a very proud man, with great morals. He served in the Vietnam War in the Marine core. He is the type of man where you never had to guess how he felt; he was more than happy to let you know.

He is not a large man, only 5’6 and weighing approximately 160 pounds. He might not be large in stature, but his pride and heart stand tall. He has an athletic build even though he is 64. He makes sure to exercise at least 3 times a week, and always eats healthy. Traits that were drilled into him from his days in the Marine’s, and are still with him today. If it wasn’t for his salt and pepper hair, and deep wrinkles around his eyes from working years under the son, you wouldn’t believe he was a day over 50.

            Being the oldest of six, he had the responsibility of caring for his siblings. He was not able to enjoy the joys of a usual childhood. He had the burden of helping his struggling parents, hold the family together by working very young, and acting as another parent to the other kids. There were no summer camps, vacations, or free time for him. Only changing diapers, cleaning the house, and going to work. He once told me “The only time I felt like a normal kid was at school”

            After he graduated high school, he joined the Marine’s. He felt that he had already been living a very structured life and believed it would be a smooth transition. He was right. He was finally able to be the man he wanted to be, not another parent in a full house. Although there were many guidelines he had to follow in the military, he enjoyed the fact that he could be himself.

            He doesn’t talk a lot about the war. Only some stories of partying and having fun. The parts about the war itself he keeps to himself. I can only imagine some things he’s seen, and had to do. He was a gunner on a helicopter. Sometimes he provided ground troops cover, other times he went pick up troops. He once told me of a story where luck was on his side. One day he was not feeling well and decided to take a nap. He found a spot in the laundry room, and fell asleep on a pile of sheets. He awoke and found out his unit had been called in for a rescue mission. Another soldier was called in to replace him, because he could not be found. His helicopter was hit with enemy fire, and a few soldiers were wounded. If he hadn’t taken a nap that day, he could have been shot, or killed.

            He enjoyed his down time while overseas. He enjoys more stories of these times, than of the war. As a teenager back home, he was unable to party because of the responsibilities at home. He made up for that while in the Marine’s. However, one story he has told me, started as a party, and almost ended in tragedy. My father and his friends were having a party on the beach. They had all been drinking, and had a few too many. One of his friends decided it was a good idea to go for a swim. Unfortunately he was so drunk, he forgot how. Luckily for him, my father didn’t forget about him, or how to swim. Noticing his friend had been missing for a while, he decided to look for him, and saw him beginning to drown. My father swam out and saved his life.

            When my father was done with the military, he decided he wanted to continue saving lives. He became a fire fighter. He loves his job, and is only one year away from retirement. If it were up to him, it would be many more years, but because of his age (fire fighters are forced to retire after 65) he must retire. Because of the way his parents raised him, being a fire fighter was not his only job. He is also a Carpenter. He is a very hard worker, and at one point in his life, had gone years without taking a day off. Even days when he was sick, he worked through it to provide for his family. He would always tell me “To succeed in life, you must have self confidence, self discipline and maximum effort.” I try to live those words daily, as my father has. He has set a great example for me to live my life. If I become half the man Kenneth Barry Rose is, I will feel I have made him a proud father.

Post Write

                I’m not sure if I have enough dialogue in this paper. I only used a few quotes and anecdotes. I would like to have used more but would have exceded the word limit for the essay. Also I don’t believe I used good transition between different paragraphs. I am wondering if I gave enough information about my subject. I waited to the end to introduce his name, I felt it would help with the conclusion. I’m not sure if it worked and I should have used his name in the lead.

Profile Essay

Barry Rose

Profile Essay

            “Actions speak louder than words.” Just one of the many sayings my father always said. He had a few he liked, but I believe this was his favorite. He is a very proud man, with great morals. He served in the Vietnam War in the Marine core. He is the type of man where you never had to guess how he felt, he was more than happy to let you know.

            Being the oldest of six, he had the responsibility of caring for his siblings. He was not able to enjoy the joys of a usual childhood. He had the burden of helping his struggling parents, hold the family together by working very young, and acting as another parent to the other kids. There were no summer camps, vacations, or free time for him. Only changing dipers, cleaning the house, and going to work. He once told me “The only time I felt like a normal kid was at school”

            After he graduated high school, he joined the Marine’s. He felt that he had already been living a very structured life and believed it would be a smooth transition. He was right. He was finally able to be the man he wanted to be, not another parent in a full house. Although there were many guidelines he had to follow in the military, he enjoyed the fact that he could be himself.

            He doesn’t talk a lot about the war. Only some stories of partying and having fun. The parts about the war itself he keeps to himself. I can only imagine some things he’s seen, and had to do. He was a gunner on a helicopter. Sometimes he provided ground troops cover, other times he went pick up troops. He once told me of a story where luck was on his side. One day he was not feeling well and decided to take a nap. He found a spot in the laundry room, and fell asleep on a pile of sheets. He awoke and found out his unit had been called in for a rescue mission. Another soldier was called in to replace him, because he could not be found. His helicopter was hit with enemy fire, and a few soldiers were wounded. If he hadn’t taken a nap that day, he could have been shot, or killed.

            He enjoyed his down time while overseas. He enjoys more stories of these times, than of the war. As a teenager back home, he was unable to party because of the responsibilities at home. He made up for that while in the Marine’s. However, one story he has told me, started as a party, and almost ended in tragedy. My father and his friends were having a party on the beach. They had all been drinking, and had a few too many. One of his friends decided it was a good idea to go for a swim. Unfortunately he was so drunk, he forgot how. Luckily for him, my father didn’t forget about him, or how to swim. Noticing his friend had been missing for a while, he decided to look for him, and saw him beginning to drown. My father swam out and saved his life.

            When my father was done with the military, he decided he wanted to continue saving lives. He became a fire fighter. He loves his job, and is only two years away from retirement. If it were up to him, it would be many more years, but because of his age (fire fighters are forced to retire after 65) he must retire. Because of the way his parents raised him, being a fire fighter was not his only job. He is also a Carpenter. He is a very hard worker, and at one point in his life, had gone years without taking a day off. Even days when he was sick, he worked through it to provide for his family. He would always tell me “To succeed in life, you must have self confidence, self discipline and maximum effort.” I try to live those words daily, as my father has. He has set a great example for me to live my life. If I become half the man Kenneth Barry Rose is, I will feel I have made him a proud father.

Application Essay 2nd Draft

• Discuss your academic interest and career goals and describe your view of how Bridgewater State College can facilitate your success. - Bridgewater State University

            I have always loved playing, watching, and more recently coaching sports. It is not only a hobby, but a large part of who I am. I enjoy the exercise, competition, and challenges of sports. This is why my academic interest at Bridgewater State University is Physical Education.

            I have had a passion for sports ever since I can remember. I would play in the yard with my father and mother all day if they let me. It didn’t matter what sport we played, baseball, basketball, football, or soccer. I loved them all, and never wanted to stop. Even if I had to play alone, I was still having fun.

            As I got older, my parents got me into a lot of sports leagues. I can remember changing uniforms in the car, going from one sporting event to another.  The team setting of sports was a great thing for me. Being an only child, sports became my way of learning how to play along with people, and not just against them. It made me realize that for a team to have success, all must work together towards one common goal.

The older I got, the more I began learning how to lead, and teach teammates. I took being a leader as a challenge. I put my best effort into it. To be a great leader, you must know how to communicate to different people, and in different ways. You cannot be too hard on them. Give them encouragement and work with them at being a better player. Your job is to lead them in the right way to play, and act.

Now that I am older, I don’t have many opportunities to play in organized sports leagues. I am now finding a new found love for sports. I am coaching middle school students. I get great satisfaction from teaching young children. I can see the passion and love they have for the game, and I want to help them achieve their maximum potential. It is not just about showing them how to shoot a basketball, or hit a baseball. It is about fighting challenges. Not giving up when something is hard. Working at it and practicing until you get it. It is also about sportsmanship. Never disrespect another player or team. You can’t always win. When you do lose, you should lose like a winner.

My career goal is to become a great Physical Education teacher. I believe the best way for me to reach my goal is at Bridgewater State College. I want to teach children all the important lessons they can learn from sports. It is also important for children to know that they don’t have to play video games for fun. Playing sports and getting exercise is so important for our youth. It keeps them in shape and teaches children how to interact with one another. I want to be a part of keeping that tradition alive in our youth. 

Post Write: I feel my paper meets all the requirements asked. I would like to go into more detail of how BSU can help me reach my goal, but I felt I would go over the limit of 500 words. I couldn’t find an area of the essay that I could take out to fit more detail. I hope the reader understands all my points and reasoning for wanting to become a Phys Ed teacher.

Application Essay

• Discuss your academic interest and career goals and describe your view of how Bridgewater State College can facilitate your success. - Bridgewater State University

            I have always loved playing, watching, and more recently coaching sports. It is not only a hobby, but a large part of who I am. I enjoy the exercise, competition, and challenges of sports. This is why my academic interest at Bridgewater State University is Physical Education.

            I have had a passion for sports ever since I can remember. I would play in the yard with my father and mother all day if they let me. It didn’t matter what sport we played, baseball, basketball, football, or soccer. I loved them all, and never wanted to stop. Even if I had to play alone, I was still having fun.

            As I got older, my parents got me into a lot of sports leagues. I can remember changing uniforms in the car, going from one sporting event to another.  The team setting of sports was a great thing for me. Being an only child, sports became my way of learning how to play along with people, and not just against them. It made me realize that for a team to have success, all must work together towards one common goal.

The older I got, the more I began learning how to lead, and teach teammates. I took being a leader as a challenge. I put my best effort into it. To be a great leader, you must know how to communicate to different people, and in different ways. You cannot be too hard on them. Give them encouragement and work with them at being a better player. Your job is to lead them in the right way to play, and act.

Now that I am older, I don’t have many opportunities to play in organized sports leagues. I am now finding a new found love for sports. I am coaching middle school students. I get great satisfaction from teaching young children. I can see the passion and love they have for the game, and I want to help them achieve their maximum potential. It is not just about showing them how to shoot a basketball, or hit a baseball. It is about fighting challenges. Not giving up when something is hard. Working at it and practicing until you get it. It is also about sportsmanship. Never disrespect another player or team. You can’t always win. When you do lose, you should lose like a winner.

My career goal is to become a great Physical Education teacher. I believe the best way for me to reach my goal is at Bridgewater State College. I want to teach children all the important lessons they can learn from sports. It is also important for children to know that they don’t have to play video games for fun. Playing sports and getting exercise is so important for our youth. It keeps them in shape and teaches children how to interact with one another. I want to be a part of keeping that tradition alive in our youth.