I believe in living a healthy and active life style. I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease when I was 14 years old. I never took it seriously, until it was almost too late. February of 2009 I was hospitalized for over a week and needed to have major surgery on my intestines. The disease ate away the walls of my intestines causing major bleeding. This problem could have been avoided by a healthy diet and more exercise.
I had to wait 4 months after my surgery before I was able to do any kind of physical activities. This included work, which made things very difficult financially. It took almost a year before I was feeling somewhat back to normal physically. I began playing softball and basketball again that summer. I didn’t feel right, my body was still very week. It was at that point I knew I needed to start exercising more to help battle this disease.
Now that I was exercising I was feeling much better. Unfortunately, that wasn’t enough. January of 2010, my liver began shutting down because of all the medications the doctors had prescribed to me. The immediately told me to stop taking the 12 pills a day I had been taking since my surgery. This was when I did my own research and found that diet was what I had been missing in my battle with Crohn’s. I was on a strict diet to detox my body for 3 months. This consisted of only certain fruits and vegetables. After that, I slowly began introducing pasta, bread, and more variety of fruits and vegetables. Almost a year after starting this diet, I started eating chicken and fish along with the rest of the foods.
I am grateful that I am now healthy enough to take the right steps to live a long healthy life. Eating healthy meals is extremely important to me. If I don’t eat healthy meals, and snacks throughout the day, I will get an upset stomach and pains. This can ruin my day whether I’m at work, school, exercising, or just relaxing. I must keep with my diet to live an effective life and get everything done I need to.
I also must stay active and exercise 4 to 6 times a week. I need to keep my body in shape to help battle my disease. I have so much more energy when I work out, and this is very important because Crohn’s drains your energy levels. Exercise also helps keep a strong immune system, which Crohn’s also diminishes.
It has been almost 2 years since my last prescription and I am feeling great. By eating healthy and exercising, I have saved myself from my disease.
In your own words, fully and with precision, describe what the assignment is asking the writer (your partner) to do? Please use your own words rather than merely quote from the assignment.
ReplyDeleteThis I assignment “This I believe essay” is telling my partner to write an essay in which he explains in detail very strong belief of his. He must explain what his belief is and explain why he feels it is so important. His belief must be from a real life experience with facts to back his belief up. This assignment is also asking him to make his writing relative to others, so the reader can relate.
To what extent has your partner met the expectations of the assignment? Please pick a passage as illustration and describe what works well there. Again, try to use your own words.
My partner met the expectations of stating his belief “I believe in living a healthy and active life style” he explained how it was formed and how it saved his life. He explained how he must eat and stay active in order to control his disease. In his fourth paragraph he explained how eating a controlled diet helps “Eating healthy meals is extremely important to me. If I don’t eat healthy meals, and snacks throught out the day, I will get upset stomach and pains.” He also used facts for support. He also explained why staying active plays just as an important role in controlling his disease. In the first sentence in paragraph five “I also must stay active and exercise 4 to 6 times a week. I need to keep my body in shape to help battle my disease.” He gives the reader an explanation why staying active is so important by using facts of what his disease can do “Exercise also helps keep a strong immune system, which Crohn’s also diminishes.” This is a good example that jumps out at the reader. I also feel that in his essay he used a very strong voice. When reading this essay it gives off much awareness of his disease, and how to take your disease seriously before it is to late or any disease someone may have. I feel as though the voice in this essay catches and holds the reader.
What area needs more work? Why? Please pick a passage as illustration and describe what isn’t working.
I feel as though in my partners essay that a little more of an introduction in his essay would help. He started off saying he was diagnosed with Crohns diease but readers may not be aware of what that disease is, maybe explain to the reader what Crohns’s disease is. Reader could get lost in the beginning with the confusion.
Please indicate TWO questions about the draft and at least ONE suggestion for ways to improve it.
- How is your liver now? Any complications from when at the point is was shutting down?
- Is hard to manage your disease even when it is under control?
- One way to improve this essay would to have more of an opening and closure for the reader to stay connected with the essay as a whole.